DEAR YOGESHREE
In my last letter to you I said that the starting point in "starting-out" in this work , if you are to be one of those people who really make a difference, is your motivation to be in the profession But I think that there is another pre-requisite if you are to stay in it when the going gets tough..... it's "knowing yourself" , or at very least, allowing yourself to know yourself.
I think we all come into this work somewhat starry eyed and have expectations about the nature of the work and about ourselves. I have experienced time and time again, people who come in thinking that they know themselves only to find that the experience of the work with distressed and so distressing young people, opens to them parts of self that were previously hidden Sometimes when the going gets tough, even those who see themselves as tough, get going..... some literally, into their rooms, behind doors, into their car, drive off, or worse, pack their bags and leave overnight. Others sometimes, react in ways that surprise themselves and others.
I think it has to do with wrong expectations about the nature of the work and this is tied to the idea of self.
My way of testing out the boundaries of reactive outrage and to dispel any wrong expectations about the nature of the work...... I always made it my business to hire negatively.to paint worst case scenarios for applicants into the agency.
"You will be threatened and so will your wife. There are guys that can be insultive and at times and assaultive."
" It,s alright . I can take it."
" I want to tell you that it is very hard when things and beliefs that you hold dear to you are challenged, like your ideas about God and religion and sexual behaviours.......let me tell you about the first time I came across bestiality in one of the houses............."
You are Christian and you will experience a number of challenges to what you hold dear to you. There is sometimes a whole lot of things like demonisation, witchcraft, slaughter and also Satanism in the work that you encounter."
" No problem, we are protected "
"Don't misunderstand. It's not that you will simply have to get accustomed to having these things around you and in your face, but that you will have to interact with them as individuals in ways that are helpful and growing for them.... we call it healing... and supportive."
" Good. That's what I have been called by God to do."
"At the moment, in the unit that you will be allocated to there are young people showing all these behaviours ..... almost like a kind of institiutional syndrome; threatening, violent, assaultive. .. different sexual practices.. These thing often go with drug-taking - so there's a lot of work to be done with them."
" I believe that this is my calling.... my ministry"
That's is exactly what I thought too when I came into the work of child and youth care... it was my calling, my ministry, my destiny so to speak.
But I soon learnt that I had issues within myself that had to be dealt with somehow. and hopefully dealt with positively and in a way useful to the young people.
In Johannesburg, when the honeymoon period was over, one of my inner fears was that I would get hurt physically -or more that my family would get hurt. I really didn't deal well with threats of aggression and with aggression. I wanted and often tried to avoid aggression, even confrontation .. I wanted others to do that for me.
Of, course it couldn't be avoided and I had to find ways of responding to it with as much inner and outer calm I could muster. Within a year of constantly having to face and deal with my fear and my forever pounding heart, I was able to deal with it, But for me the pendulum swung in the opposite direction, I started to think that I didn't easily get hurt or injured. We were visiting a family once in a very rough situation and place and the social worker said "I'm not worried, I don't get shot easily". That is how I felt," I don't get shot easily" I lost all fear of getting hurt and that was not a good thing.
Actually, I then found that I was more afraid of strong feelings expressed by the staff. than I was of facing aggressive, assaultive behaviour in the boys. I started to experience strong feeling expressed in the young people as opportunities. But, ... expressed to me by the staff. This to me was threatening and painful.... and so it goes on...
The mirror that is held up and reflects the self as a result of the work we do makes work for us in itself. Nobody told me that the work we do with ourselves in this profession was going to be as important as the work we do with young people.
But it is. ... and it is ongoing....... work in progress...
My advice is two-fold. Do become reflective around yourself and your reactions inside you and try to find links between them and your own history. And, use personal supervision as a safe place to help you deal with your unfolding self.
Love
Barrie .
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