He was a sturdy, tough guy.
"I'm not going to school. You can do what you like. I'm not going to school".
Classic school refusal.
I was taught that point blank, heels dug in, school refusal was a psychological emergency, a matter for referral.
I had to ask; Why.
"They say, I must cut my hair. They say I've got 'til Monday to go to a barber on Saturday. Only me. I can choose to cut my hair. They can't make me cut my hair. I'm not going to school. My hair is ME . They can't make me cut my hair. My hair is who I Am. My hair is ME. They can't mess with the ME that is ME.
It WAS long. Long and fair and curly. His hair was indeed a major mark of his identity.
I couldn't help thinking of a Sampson going to a Deliliah school.
It was the school that needed referral.
The dormitory boys knew what I was yet to learn. Boy's hair is deeply connected to SELF. I had got it for girls, but hadn't made that link with boys.
I inherited a culture that had to be changed. Boys administered punishment to boys considered by them, to be offenders. One was , what they called, a 'hot-cross bun' A group of boys would hold the alleged offender down and one, using a battery operated razor would shave to the scalp, a broad path; forehead to the neck and ear to ear.
It was the ultimate humiliation and degradation of dignity and self esteem. Many hot-cross bun boys hid themselves in isolation whenever they could. Frequent and understandable school refusal abounded.
The all male child and youth care workers brushed it off with:
"The boys have their own way of dealing with things".
Again, hair is deeply connected with self-image and the concept of self. There's a strong emotional connection too. Boys and girls.
In training child and youth care workers and in discussion about TOUCH, I would ask:
"Can I touch you?".
Always the same reply:
"Where?".
"Can I put my hand on your shoulders?".
"Yes".
"Can I hold your hand?".
"Yes".
"Can I touch your hair, put my fingers through you hair?"
"NO! Please, not my hair. Don't mess with my hair!"
First call of the morning.
" Barrie. That special favourite girl of yours in my house".
"I don't have favourites".
"I'm talking about Nhlanhla. The one you call Nana. She's not yet 18. She asked to go to the early movie show at the mall. I said OK, she must be back by eight-o'clock. She didn't get back here until 2am. And; she was drunk. She says, after the movie, she and her friend were walking through the parking lot. There were some boys in a parked car. They invited them to sit in the car and have a drink. They got talking and laughing, had more drinks. They brought Her back at 2pm".
One of my favourite questions to child and youth care workers:
"What did you do?"
"I cut off her hair, took away her wigs. I said to her, 'There, now boys won't find you attractive 'til it grows again' ''.
In South Africa now that punishment is, by regulation, no longer permitted. It's a disallowed punishment. To cut hair or shave the head is classified as a physical violation and abusive humiliation. It is a breach of professional ethics.
Then there are times in South Africa when cultural practices do require head shaving. The practices of culture are a constitutional right and supercede other regulations . Indigenous African head shaving practices vary somewhat ethnically, tribally and from clan to clan. Child and youth care workers must expect and possibly undertake head shaving of children as rites of passage.
In some groups, birth hair is shaved at three to six months.
At one year the head is shaved.
Within three days of the burial of an immediate family member, the head is shaved.
On return from initiation school, the head is shaved. Shaved hair is always burnt or flushed to avoid it being accessible through which possible affliction can be cast.
If it is so in Africa, then it surely there are hair rites in cultures, religions and peoples about the globe.
I've always liked Jung's theory of the collective unconscious. It means that images and knowing is passed to us through an undefined number of ancestors over an undefined period of time.(eons !).
Some may say we know instinctively.
SO. I think it is with our heads of hair. We unconsciously know the complex, psychological influence of hair deep within our psyche as an extension of our selves.
The big ones seem to be, physical attraction, identity, self esteem, confidence, status, self acceptance, self worth and cultural ,group or religious belonging. We know hair as a power building tool for all these things.
In child and youth care practice, this knowing can't remain dormant or unconscious.
We have to bring it to our awareness!
On matters of hair, we ask:
"What is REALLY going on here? What can I do with children and young people, their hair and their selves to best support them in their personal development and wellbeing"
This is what we do in child and youth care work.
".
