THE TONE TRICKLES DOWN...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

 

There are a number of words for it:  ethos, culture, tone. My word was wallpaper...the wallpaper of the facility programme.

 My view was that the 'wallpaper' of the programme is carried primarily by the child and youth care workers as a result of a top-down influence including management. From the ethos carried by staff, comes the rub-off, the trickle-down, which cascades to the young people. I believe It becomes the pervasive relationship style, the pervasive way of problem solving, the world view,, the way of reacting one with the other throughout.

In a group home setting, the child and youth care worker was brisk, often abrasive in maintaining somewhat narrow boundaries . The assistant child and youth care worker experienced this more dominating relationship work style "You do it this way !". Often voices were raised, volume up, body stiffened. The whole House echoed the noise.

He was a newish admission. It was at a returned absconder House Meeting. The question was whether he 'ran from, ran to, or just ran'. He said it was a run from.  "From what exactly?" 

"From you guys, all of you guys. From the staff. I couldn't be me! Always...do it like that! That's the way it is here. All of you with your 'I'll report you to the child care worker. And the child care worker 'Just do it...otherwise... Otherwise what?"

"You'll see. You'll see... And I'll call the Director." "I ran from all of you. Not one of you.. all of you."

 A young person came to me in my office. "Don't tell the child care worker I came to see you. I've got a problem, but I don't want to talk with her. I want to tell you. You know, there were three of us sitting in the foyer waiting for you to come. That child care worker saw us and she got really shirty. She said, 'What you waiting for? If you have a problem you come to me, not to him. You come to me, He's not a child care worker.. he's the Director.".

There was a pervasive climate of relationship ownership throughout . "Listen I'm your child care worker!" 

And so the ethos trickled down. "She's not your friend. She's my friend. Go find your own friend " 

It was in the wallpaper. No teamwork. My child, my problem...I'll deal with it and no-one else. Let alone the strengths and bonds of others on the staff...no team, strict role definitions and territory gaurding throughout. Let alone the support staff... 

 Revealed years after having been through the system... "You know who helped me the most?  You'll be surprised. It was Thembeka the cleaner. She came in every day - regular. She was straight. "Why don't you....."I needed that. At that time I needed that.. elder's  advice. I liked that woman. I didn't tell anyone, We were sort-of friends."

 Another time, another place, Group Home number two , House Meeting. The child and youth care worker here was really quite gentle, a listener .House Meetings were held weekly to allow for discussion on anything... a blank agenda form was held by a magnet to the fridge door. If the children and young people wanted to discuss anything, they would write it on the agenda list. 

 The top-down over-all tone was one of help and support..

The message acted out in practice was "We are all here together  for a reason. Let's see what we can do to make our lives better." 

 One Sunday two little boys had run and were hiding in the school grounds opposite and across the road from the group home. They showed themselves sometimes and then ducked behind the school building. The child and youth care worker called me. Quite right. I was 'on call'. They were small children and she needed support...not authority. I could see them as they ducked and dived around the school building. 

My approach...we can't chase and catch them. They will just run even further away next time. Let's leave the. Ignore them. If they don't come back themselves when it gets dusky, we'll make other plans.

 Sure enough they came back. They were fed, bathed  without comment and a House Meeting was called. In this House there was an 'I'm prepared to tell you' approach in the wallpaper. They were soon to be adopted. Everyone knew.  They said at the meeting that they heard one of the others say "Those two ankle biters are running away.... So, We did.!"

 At this there was a dreadful. emotionally packed .almost primal wail form one of the adolescent boys at the table. Then heavy sobbing. At least three others shed silent tears. The child and youth care worker did a good job of comforting the wailing boy. He was brought back to the table.

"Why? Why? Why? Why can't we all be kind to each other? We all got problems here! Why can't we just be  kind to each other"

 The table... "We sorry!"

The staff tone trickle-down of "Be the world you want to see" ..of...even and especially, the young people being, one for the other, part of healing was to become a trickle-down into the next generation and perhaps the next.

 I can confirm this. The much later social media posts of past residents surrounded by that wallpaper speak loudly of the suffering of the world and their making the world a better place.

They speak now with loud voices.

 

THE UNSPOKEN US...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

The question went something like this: "What do you as a child and youth care worker regret or are reluctant to talk about for fear of humiliation or victimisation in the workplace?"

It took about three weeks self and soul searching to reach a place for me to put together  some sort of list and then even now to  gather the courage to talk abut the unspoken me in child and youth care -  more especially in the facilities in which  practice. It was all very personal and too exposing of my otherwise hidden vulnerabilities.

The same questioner, later posted a quote saying that leaders share their stories and knowledge.

 In this week's blog, I'm not about knowledge...Stories maybe, but inner experiences as a child and youth care worker. Ok, let me try. 

What I didn't talk about, share or say, was the real ME. The ME who had triggers, fears, often confused feelings. I didn't talk of what I knew about myself that I believed was unknown to others...Not to anyone...not my family, my supervisor and certainly not to the Board of Management or the staff. I was convinced that to speak these things out would severely damage my credibility, as a professional child and youth care worker and so erode my reputation, my image. In good organisational practice, this should not be.

SO, HERE GOES...

In my child and youth care work with boys, mainly in trouble with the law, I was afraid of being physically hurt through  my having to intercede in any violent incident or by direct assault. It happened far too early in my practice that I was actually deliberately hurt, my head pushed against a barbed wire fence The bleeding of my forehead was excessive as it ran down my face. It wasn't as bad as it looked, but it left me with a lingering fear of, again being physically hurt by  boys  in the programme.

It was different with the girls. My fear was that at any time I might have false allegations of sexual abuse made against me.

 That got sparked by two incidents, again, early in my practice. I probably over reacted to an incident of what I regarded as a planned attempt at seduction. The other was an incident of exposure...stripping off.

I refused to have any discussion with a girl unless the office door was open or at least ajar. A female staff member had to be within calling distance during any interview with a girl No stockroom entry unless on my own. I would not drive a girl in the car unless I was accompanied. Rules, rules, rules . My triggered over reactions stayed untold.

On Friday, after school he had gone home for the weekend. By Saturday mid-morning, he was back on his own volition. Tea was always set out in the foyer for staff. When I came in for tea - there he was, drinking from the saucer ( culturally the way it was done) with his feet on the coffee table.

 Me: "What are you doing here. You're supposed to be at home. This is  staff tea. Don't drink out of the saucer and TAKE YOUR FEET OFF THE TABLE !!"...volume building to a crescendo.

 He raised himself a little, took the cup and saucer filled with tea and smashed it against the foyer wall. "You know f**k all !."

 He was right. Turns out that he went home on Friday to find Mom with a boyfriend and she told him to go back to the facility as it wasn't convenient for him to be at home that weekend.

Eventually the link was made inside me. I was a teacher at the time. I went into the Main Hall to watch a talent competition rehearsal. I put my feet on the chair in front of me. I walked the Headmaster "Get your feet off that chair" very loudly, and then quietly, "Sorry, I thought that you were one of the boys." I felt so very humiliated, so belittled in front of my pupils. I had been spoken to, by the Headmaster asif a naughty child.

 Putting feet on the table was a come-back of that moment.

 Then, unspoken was the person, the being I am... the I ams. Knowing myself as what they call a perfectionist. Advantages and disadvantages as that affects practice performance. I can't ( couldn't ) delegate. My fear was that it wouldn't be done as well as I would have done it.. End result...burnout, not once but twice.

 And then the fear of abandonment. I had unspoken fears that I would be left with only me to do what had to be done. It came to me ...I was able to make the link to a hospitalisation experience when I was about 5years old. I looked out of the hospital window during visiting hours to see two people - as I thought, my mother and father leaving without having visited me.

It wasn't them!

Abandoned, I thought, left by my very support system.

 We can talk of child and youth care politics ( small p ) but my thinking is that we, as self, very often in child and youth care work unspeak and unshare our selves.

"And I never told my supervisor".

MISTAKE.

LONG PAST LASTING MEMORIES ...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

Surely, it will not be forgotten that our South African pioneer and child and youth care guru, Brian Gannon, in the mid eighties initiated a year of Making Memories. The idea was to encourage child and youth  care workers to design, to create moments which would provide children and young people with positive, meaningful, lasting memories. That, as an initiative was needed at that time. Really meaningful, purposefully structured, creative positive, life enhancing moments tended at the time to be lost in what Brian Gannon called child and youth care logistics. Creating purposeful meaningful memories was breaking new ground.      

Some time past now, in Facebook, someone posted  a text which read something like this."  If you want to know what I miss about the residential programme, it is the lunch that the child care worker ( name) cooked on Sundays.

Unusual for a, now middle aged past resident to have a lasting good memory of a meal...food! Mostly food is remembered with complaint - except for puddings. Puddings were a Wednesday treat, They have a way of being remembered long into adulthood. 

Anyway, it got me wondering. What is it that children and young people remember? What memories linger for life? 

Responses to that post and the experience of other , now middle age past residents was that the people in the programme, child and youth care workers were well remembered. Often fondly, often not.

 He was about 9 years old. She had been in my residential facility for 2 years when she was moved to another in another City in another Province to be with her brother, also in care. After some 2 years, then 11, he asked to visit the old place for part of a school holiday. They thought it to be a sound developmental, therapeutic idea, so with a one-on-one child and youth care worker, he came.

On seeing me from a reasonably close distance, he said to the child and youth care worker "There he is. That's him! I'll never forget that SMILE." 

 Social media posts among long past residents and community - based young people followed that theme. Child and youth care workers were remembered years after. mentioned by name for their personal characteristics, their qualities of caring or not caring, as they then experienced it and for their relationship. Often with gratitude.

She had to be moved to a more secure facility and immediately because of issues connected with her parents. 

Where is she?  - very upset and angry. "She was here when we left for school and not here when we came back. That's not right. At least we should have been told. Don't you know  for us here...an injury to one is an injury to all " 

The connection among each other is another of those lasting memory threads. "They were / we were, like family, - brothers and sisters"

 The social media posts like that abound,  Many still keep contact with each other. "You were always there for me . I could always share with you". Sharing common life experiences and situations strengthen the peer bond into memories which social media has proven last well into adulthood.

 Then came so well the "Do you remember when ? " posts. Most I read are lasting memories of what they got up to as  and young people in a facility. Especially if it was a  daring escapade.

"Do you you know what I remember?  We had such fun when we used to break into the tuck shop at night and steal sweets and chocolate bars. It was such fun man!  We planned together so carefully. Night-time creeping down there... breaking in so quietly and then... the chocolates. That's  what I remember so well."

Some can't forget now as adults, the child and youth care system and what it forced on them in the name of discipline. Way back before the law prohibited young people from being held in prison cells, there came the Juvenile Prison. An advance was the Reformatory. and a less restrictive institution called an Industrial School in which the boys were accommodated in secure dormitories.

They were told to expect us, at the Juvenile Prison. We were proposing Child and Youth Care training training for the prison wardens. What we experienced in any event  happened every day.. The boys stood at attention at the foot of their beds, holing their identification open at the chest...name, age, offence. The big memory for me were the made beds. Military style with one blanket covering the bed and the other rolled and twisted to make a decorative feature on the single pillow. ..each different and each twisted into very creative designs. They never forgot. For when, after the law change, they trickled down into the bigger boys residential caring facility called  St Goodenough Children's Home...Lo and Behold - they followed exactly the same bed-making thing.

At the residential facility I inherited in 1986 the boys chewed the blanket edges on the bed to make a sharp creased edge. Staff would hold an inspection with the boys standing at attention at the end of the bed. This has come up endlessly on Social Media as positive never  to be forgotten.

Some try to forget. "Oh, I don't talk about that. ..it didn't happen I say I was at a Hostel as a boarder. It's part of my life that doesn't exist. Some remember proudly and let the memory be known. 'I made it through all that. Look at me now

 Today, child and youth care workers do design and  purposefully create experiences, activities and moments to last as lasting, uplifting memories They seem not to get much social media mention. Pity

Again and again there is a need for we child and youth care workers and for young people to tell our stories. Again and again we must let our memory making in the lives of children be known. It's part of what we do, It's so very important.

GOD, SATAN, CHAPEL EPISODES... CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK.

"Your God is shit!" We were walking down to the pool - towels over our shoulders. She was about 15 years old. "Your God is shit", she said, I just think of my life, my family. No work, no money, fighting and struggling. Your God is shit".

I believed what she said to be her genuine belief and not, as an ordained person, just an attempt to touch a tender spot and push my buttons.

"Ok, I've  been there. I've been right where you are. It was a journey. Like me, I guess you have to decide whether God is punishing, a God for White people only, a God for all or a God for a few. It's up to you."

The boys were compulsorily requires to attend chapel services on Sunday nights. They were dressed smartly in the 'Home Uniform". ...blazer, tie, grey slacks. There was a resident chaplain. He celebrated and preached. The senior boys sat in front, juniors at the back.

Right in the midst of the sermon, a very large senior stood up. "You talk shit". he shouted. "You talk one thing and you don't do those things. You don't do what you preach"....He was right.

The chaplain, from the pulpit ordered him out of the chapel. "Take him out!. You get out. Child and youth care workers, take him out" It caused a 10 minute delay as child and youth care workers persuaded him just to leave quietly in his own best interests... which he did, taking three other boys with him. 

The compulsion to attend Sunday evening chapel got changed to voluntary attendance in ordinary clothes.

Smallish in stature and sort of arty looking, he was a satanist and didn't in any way hide it.  He wasn't the only one. There were probably three in the dormitory facility at the time. The others were secretive. The Constitution of South Africa states very clearly that we have a right to choice of faith and of worship provided that the laws of the country are not breached in doing so. He had an upside down cross on his bedroom wall. He burnt black candles,

His explanation was "Your God does nothing to help make a better world Satan can make a difference. Satan rules the world".

He broke no laws.

The child and youth care worker every night on bedding down and checking for lights out would pass his bedroom, open the door and say "My God is stronger than your god!"

We did once, in the stables. find a black cat with it's throat cut. It wasn't him. It was one on the others who we found also cut himself to let blood.

 He came from a place of safety. He said that there was a satanic coven there and he was drawn into one. He couldn't say anything more because the coven had said "You you leave, you die." He wanted to . A local church specialised in counselling young people out of satanism and it's coven activities. The counsellor said that there were different levels in satanism. The highest level, he said, required that a life be taken. "A young person has to be counselled and freed from the sworn articles of belief and practices of each of the levels". 

I don't know what it means but he said he was at the third level.

The social worker resigned. Her husband insisted that she must . There is a young people into satanism in the house . He said I am not to work where there is a satanist. Pity, - she was a good social worker.

He had become known in the residential dormitory facility as a bully. He smoked and threatened violence to intimidate other boys and to get his way or wanted materially. Marijuana was illegal in those days. I inherited him as the senior server in the chapel. There was always something of a queue  to be a server. You got to .wear a nice red vestment and permitted to enter the sanctuary. ... the holy of holies and when the chaplain wasn't around to to clear the altar. This gave servers access to the communion wine. Every Sunday as senior server, with his long black hair, he stately led the procession to the altar. He was really good.

Behind the altar was a tabernacle which  stored and locked away some remains of the blessed sacrament (wafers and wine) for visits to the sick. He and the  chaplain were the only ones with keys. 

 I was often asked why he was the head server when his behaviour outside of chapel was known to me . I said that the church was a place for sinners.  But I saw the Sunday serving as an excellent therapeutic experience for him.

One day the chaplain had rare reason to open the tabernacle himself. Big shock.. Inside was the blessed bread and wine but also a stash of marijuana.

 Confronted, he said "I thought no-one would ever think to find it in the tabernacle.

Completely out of character,. she up one night and ran away. - into Hillbrow, the then red light area of Johannesburg.

 On return. "Tell me what got into your head to run there - of all places."

"God told me to do it". 

 Who was I to argue with God?

STAFF LEAVING ...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

 

At 3.00 pm, she said she was going to buy the girls some winter jerseys.

Bu they can go themselves, or go with you to choose"

"I'll choose".

She didn't come back.

 Her sister 'phoned to say that she's not coming back and she, the sister, will come to collect her clothing.

One minute an on-line child and youth care worker - the next minute...walk out...gone!! 

"She needs a year", said the sister. She'll come back in a year."

An immediate dormitory meeting.

"What did we do?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. You did nothing, She needed a rest". 

Fairly soon after, a new appointee child and youth care worker was  introduced to the girls. She came early next day to start and to wake them. The moment the girls had gone to school, she came to my office, letter in hand. "Here, - I resign. You've got a nest of snakes up there. I'm on three months trial and 24hours notice. Here it is". She had barely put done her handbag when she picked it up again.

At the dormitory meeting..."We liked Sister Pat. We didn't like that one."

Connections count.

"Do you have a place for a 14year old girl as a place of safety? We'll get the Place of Safety Order and promise a  placement order within 3 days, After 4 years of being her child and youth care worker, that woman left overnight. She was there when they went to bed. Gone in the morning - clothes and all - no warning. This girl tried to cut her wrists. She needs a connecting female child and youth care worker immediately.

 There was a place in a group home...small number of children, close supervision and a warm, female child and youth care worker.

It's little wonder considering experiences like these in the lives of children that I encountered this.

I arrived at the facility late evening as the newly appointed Director. I was met by a group of girls in their pyjamas sitting in the foyer. Each r girl was introduced to me by a senior girl. 

That done.

 "Ok Mr Lodge. Now you are here. When are you going to leave?"

Oh, my word! My first moment in child and youth care. going   first encounter and I was called upon to do some fancy footwork. When they were satisfied that I wasn't beat a hasty retreat, they laid down the rules they said I must follow.

" No drinking. You are allowed one beer at our yearly picnic...and that' s all!"  

"You won't hit a girl"

'When you make rules, you will discuss them with us first". 

"When you want to leave you will tell us before. We want to say goodbye properly."

As it was, I had given them my promised 5 years minimum. They were told 4 months before. By then the Board of Management had established a 'Transition' Committee. It had 2 Psychologists among other professionals. I was given personal psychological supervision and the Transition' committee worked on and evaluated the strategy with the children for my departure. Each step was planned. A noticeboard was put into each dormitory and each of the group homes. It displayed a calendar showing the countdown events for each step.

My wife and I were due to leave in5 days.

"You must come now!!" It was the night nurse. " Three girls have cut their wrists". One was hospitalised.

Three days before leaving there was a final 'farewell' Board of Management meeting. I reported the incident of the three girls...and wept. I really thought we had done everything right. Weeping at a Board meeting was an embarrassment for me. I thought it was a slight on my professionality. Professionals don't cry!...hey do sometimes!!

The professional practice  learning was to live with me.   

Firing and retrenchment of child and youth care workers proved to be experienced differently. Both of these staff-leaving contingencies are at some time inevitable...each with its own child and youth care implications. I can't help thinking of a divorce in which one or both parties bad mouth the other to the children.

The usual suspension of the child and youth care worker before the hearing does provide  a window of time in which to meet with the young people, prepare them and reassure them of of fairness in the treatment of the child and youth care worker and continued child and youth care services...if.if, if

Shift workers are usually told not to come into the facility during suspension. It is obviously more difficult with resident child and youth care workers who are then told "No interaction with the young people." to avoid the possible badmouthing of the Board of Management, the management team and other child and youth care staff.to the children....to avoid splitting and pairing .. How is this then enforced?

Child and youth care worker James was to be retrenched at the end of a year school term because we were moving from a dormitory to a group home setting. The dormitory styled buildings were to be used as a school. We had to be out. There were more dormitories than group homes,. The number of young people  had to be about halved The staff reduced by three. All the fair warning, retrenchment protocols were strictly followed and the young people, one by one were briefed with all the moves. Again a "Transition' Committee was formed. 

Here came a delegation of boys. "Why are you firing Mr James? This is supposed to be a place of caring. It's going to be Christmas at the end of the month. Where's he going to go? You say you care. You don't. You should let him stay."

 Every word had been prompted and rehearsed by James.       I knew because he had sent a letter to the Board of Management  in which he had used exactly their little speech, word for word. 

To tell the young people that this is a bad place to be, that it doesn't care may and can happen in firing and retrenchment situations. It's really hard to maintain child and youth care professional practice in the best interests of the child if one is forced to leave.

In the main, young people seem to understand retirement "She's old. She must rest now. She must go and stay with her family."

Each of these staff-leaving leaving scenarios happen...including the possibility of an over night absconding and absence without leave. It means that if staff leaving can be expected that there has to be orgaisational  back-up to cover the contingency.

Masud Hoghughi had two important mantras. Repeatedly in his training he would say, "The only thing that is certain, is uncertainty" and "Expect the unexpected".

Staff leaving is to be expected.