"I'm preparing myself to have a kidney removed in November," she said. "I'm donating a kidney. I have two and I only need one."
This is generosity.
As it turned out, the kidney removal was a success but the effects of the medication made her feel very ill.
This is generosity.
It all cleared. She recovered and her life went on as before. Someone's life was saved.
This is generosity.
In South Africa, we use the Circle of Courage as an assessment and as a planning tool. Four quadrants of positive experience make up the circle for wholeness in the life-span of children and young people. They read in this order: Belonging, Mastery, Independence, Generosity. Generosity completes the circle of wholeness. It is said that the first three must be experienced positively for Generosity to be developed and lived.
The kidney donor had a good, well connected support system, a connectedness to humanity and its needs She had Mastery ..an internalised knowing and confidence in what she was able to do. She was able to make difficult decisions on her own. The platform was set for her to develop her sense of generosity, of sharing, of giving, of self sacrifice, of feeling some struggle for the sake of another.
Martin Brokenleg and Larry Brentro came to South Africa to present the Circle of Courage and its application. They presented throughout the country. The story is told that in Durban ( then in the Province of Natal...then the last bastion of the British Empire in South Africa). Martin presented the Generosity component of the Circle. His presentation included reference to his own indigenous American culture. He would say that in his culture, if someone admired something of someone, the owner would take it and give it to the admirer without expectation of thanks. A woman in the hall shouted out "Martin, I like your earrings". Martin walked down the centre aisle, took off his earrings and put them into the woman's hand, turned, went back to the podium and said "I'm glad that nobody admired my trousers"
Martin Brokenleg, I was told did not tell anyone that the earrings were given to him as part of the rite of passage of his admittance into his tribe. The story, Larry Brendtro told me, did not finish there. At the tea-break, in the foyer, another woman came up to Martin, took his hand and places a pair of pearl earrings into his palm. "I want you to have these", she said. "They have been in my family for generations. They are a family heirloom."
This is Generosity lived.
The question, then, is how in child and youth care practice do we develop Generosity toward wholeness in the lives of the children and young people in our programmes?
I like Martin Brokenleg's use of the a 'Culture of Generosity' example. In South Africa, it's a culture we may have to design, to create and to live in our programmes so that the sense of Generosity is experienced by the children and young people.
On the other hand, sharing is embedded in our indigenous African culture.
She was very young, small framed and child minding an unrelated toddler. I came out of the Community Centre to see her lifting, as well as she could, that heavy little one to the running tap to drink. It was a struggle. Then she took from her pocket a tiny tin of Zam-buk, a precious tiny tin of healing salve. With her finger smeared some onto the little one's dry cracked, summer lips I was privileged to witness an act of generosity in so small a girl-child.
Largley, in indigenous Africa culture, that is the way it is I cannot say the same for Westernised culture which is more and more pervasive throughout. So much so that there is frequent fear expressed that much of indigenous culture, and so generous cultural acts of sharing could be lost. This then has implications for us in Child and Youth Care practice.
A nun in a convent retreat house said to me, "We eat in silence. At any meal we have to anticipate each other's needs to ensure everyone has a satisfying meal".
It got me going.
Creating a culture of Generosity, of giving, of sharing especially when not asked, of anticipating the needs of others and doing what has to be done.
That is a Generosity culture lived.
Meals were a good place to start. The practice was that awful line-up with an empty plate in hand. Kitchen staff decided on portions and dished up for each child...highly regulated.
It was a major mind-shift for child and youth care workers and the children when serving bowls and serving spoons were put on the tables Young people were told, "You can dish up for yourself." Now the culture of sharing was to be practiced. At first, co-regulated by the child and youth care worker. Then came the time when the young people self-regulated their own need but in anticipation and in the serving the needs of the others. I saw some older children helping younger ones dish up. Like the child lifting the toddler to drink water at the tap.
I read in CYC-ONLINE in the December issue, someone said that to be loving in child and youth care work you have to be angry. It struck me that a strong sense of fairness and outrage around social injustices has a connection to Generosity. I prefer the word outrage to the word anger. Outrage suggests being driven, most usually at some cost to self, to act in a way that makes good for others. Restoratively toward a better life for all.
Children and young people may have, within a programme to be helped to recognise when the needs of another are unjustly deprived. Group residential living experiences expose young people to any number of situations, almost daily, where their grasp of unfairness can lead to acts of generosity often at some cost to themselves. Advocacy now become an act of generosity, to restorative justice and to speaking out, perhaps to their own disadvantage. I experienced this. The delegation "Why did they do that.....? It wasn't fair. Don't you know that a hurt to one of us is a hurt to all. What are we going to do to put this right now?"
It's the kidney donation. It's a generosity culture lived.
Child and youth care workers can, and should be generous with physical and relational sharing but .... do I really need to say this in South Africa?.. I think not.. with the giving of self and in practices like, say "Each one teach one", speaking for another if necessary, accompanying another, peer support, buddying, "Here let me help you".
Where does it start? rhetorical question because as child and youth care workers we all know the answer.
And so Generosity becomes the culture, the wall-paper of the programme, the kidney given, the tap, the Zambuk, the culture lived.
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