BUILDING SELF ESTEEM...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA

A recent social media comment read ," Art is powerful". It got me wondering what else are "powerful" child and youth care tools for the development and reclaiming of young people and children. I thought that building self esteem was one the many. 

Numerous Individual Development Plans (IDPs) I have seen for children and young people, tell a child and youth care worker to "build self esteem" or "develop self value". End of story. Usually outside the Assessment Meeting, the child and youth care worker then asks "But what must I do?"  "What works?" The confusion usually, if not invariably, comes from confusing an aim with a goal. Goals are set as achievable, with specific tasks and and practice duration at which time the achievement of the goal is measured. Properly drafted, the child care worker contributes into the multi disciplinary team,who together devise a set of "What exactly to do".

In South Africa we use the Circle of Courage as an assessment format and a tool for establishing strengths and identifying development areas. The quadrants, Belonging, Mastery, Independence and Generosity, are a useful structure for us when we devise tasks for ourselves with the young person to achieve in the building of self esteem.

If young people don't or can't connect with others in developmentally appropriate ways, like for example, having friends, then follows the risk of a reduced self value. Possibly a sense of worthlessness. "Not good enough", "Not liked" can become neglect of self, for "What does it matter?"  

We have professional interventive work to do, goals to reach with this young person and practical carefully planned tasks to provide exposure to experiences that will grow the young person to goal achievement.

She was 13, going on 14 years of age. She was experienced  obviously as hanging around the neck of adults, the child and youth care worker and other child and youth care staff. shoulder to shoulder, minute by minute. In this closeness she was far too eager to please the child and youth care workers. Far too ready to serve. "I'll do it! Can I make you a cup of tea? Do you need cigarettes? I will go to the cafe for you." We talk about having friends her own age.....none. "At school"?...None. "I'm a homie, They don't want to be a friend of a homie" IDP typically said  Aim:  "Build self esteem". Goals were established. She should have 6 (six) friends her own age in 6 (six) months time. This was considered developmentally appropriate.

Now for the tasks. First came her somewhat neglected inappropriate age/stage physical appearance. Off unaccompanied to the hairdresser.  Off to the clothing store. Jeans and tackkies and Tshirts with a selected teen peer in the facility. The less adult dependency the better                   .(Independence). Looking good, looking teenish, less homie... the next task.

"Here's the task, do you remember? In 6 months time it is your birthday. Your father says he wants to come here and give you and your friends  a braai (barbercue) . Your first task, choose one of your girl classmates you think could be a friend. (Independence), We will help you to learn what to do and not to do, what to say to build up a friendship with her. Rehearse, Rehearse Rehearse. "Try it, give feedback (Mastery). Now invite her to come here. Let her see the group home is just another house in a street in her neighbourhood. You know how to bake . You can bake cake together. ( Mastery) (building on strengths). Maybe the friend you choose will have friends. If she has, we will help you find acceptance in the group (Belonging)". You will be able to invite them to your birthday lunch ( Generosity).

With a lot of support, It worked. There was the giving and receiving of gifts and dad made a great lunch. (Belonging).

This is just one example. Many tasks are planned/designed with and by individual child and youth care workers for individual children and young people to help them feel an improved sense of self worth.

There are some general, everyday basics when planning and carrying out tasks for building self esteem. Child and youth care workers, in the life-space and the daily life events recognise and acknowledge even the smallest acts of children and young people. Like the saying of "Thankyou" , helping another young person with something, like doing her hair, straightening his school tie.(Generosity). 

It has to do with encouragement rather than praise. It's not so much to do with recognising achievement ( which has value), but acknowledging moments of improved, more appropriate coping. Like schoolwork for example. Last result 38%. This assessment result 42%. "I always knew you could improve. Good job!" "Hair is looking good today".

Most often it involves keeping count. Minister Frazer Moleketsi, opening a National Association of Child and Youth care Workers (NACCW) Conference , those years ago in the movement toward professionalisation, said "I look forward to the time when child and youth care workers will report, in writing, the number of cigarettes a child smoked in a day. The number of times this child used a swearword or acted in anger"(not a direct quote"). She was right . Counting gives child and youth care workers a graph. "You did this on your own. You must surely be pleased with what you did today/week/month.

Irene was 12. A very small 12, The other young people in the facility treated her as a much younger child..."Ankle Biter". Ankle biters were regarded as something of a nuisance and then babied. It was time for her to be given experiences of responsibility more appropriate to her age. Time to experience a reversal of her perceived social infancy into which she was living in her faulty thinking.

Across the road from the facility was a hairdressing salon. There was a road to cross. No pedestrian crossing. The child and youth care worker was to teach her to safely cross the road. From co-dependence to independence. then she was given two younger children to accompany to the salon. Again, co-dependently to independently. The hairdresser was briefed, understood and co-operated. It became understood that it was Irene's responsibility to accompany three or four younger children to the hairdresser, sit with them  and accompany the back. The sense of Belonging, Mastery, Independence and Generosity boosted her self value. Over time she was seen by the older young people to perform no more as an ankle biter. 

For a shift in self-perception, building self esteem means for the child and youth care worker in the multi disciplinary team  ensures that there is a provision of life-space experiences designed to make children and young people feel better about themselves.

It may sound easy, but it's not. It takes very careful thought, planning, developmental knowledge, creativity, the design of life-space experiences which allow children and young people to feel..."You see! I'm alright! '.     


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