FANTASY AND DELUSION...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

   

There was Blom (flower) and Mielie (a head of maize}. Blom spoke into the one ear and Maize into the other. Mielie said "Just go on and do it!!" Blom said "No! no!!  - that's not you. It's not right".  

Full psychiatric evaluation showed no schrizophrenia. Sometimes Mielie won and sometimes Blom. Given a chioce, we would ask "What does Blom say?"  Where do these id, and ego and superego voices come from ...Ancestors?  Over time we all knew that Blom and Mielie were real heard voices for the boy. 

She was sat with a group of girls in the foyer. Normal girly talk complete with teenage giggles - all very light-hearted. It was comfort for her. She needed this. 

I stood at the tea-wagon. She and two others sat facing it. The rest of the group were on the other side of the coffee table and facing her. 

I say it was what she needed because she was grieving the tragic death two weeks previous of her 21year old boyfriend Len. It was a serious relationship with the promise of marriage when she turned 18 - which was soon.

 Suddenly her eyes fixed on the main door of the facility which opened up into the foyer. 

 "Len! Len! It was a deeply emotional cry. Her body stiffened, her eyes opened wide. She twisted. her body and eyes tracked from the main door to behind her and up the stairs to the girl's dormitory.

"Len! Len!: Then tears,i

'Did you see Len?" one asked. 

"It was Len. Len came. He went up stairs.

 Not one girl questioned it.

When the news came from the hospital that their mother had died, we followed our standard procedure. We asked that the body not be removed until the two were taken by the child and youth care worker to the hospital and the bediside of the mother's body . They took flowers., placed them on the mother's chest, kissed her forehead took her cold hand and said their goodbyes.

 They had to experience the reality of her passing.

Time elapsed as we waited for the family from Zimbabwe. It was a full funeral service attended by the children, with the coffin present. They again had flowers to put on the coffin before it was wheeled out.

 She was cremated and the relatives took the ashes to Zimbabwe .

 Telephone calls were made to the two children from Zimbabwe. On more than one occasion they told us, The Zimbabwe family had said "Your mother is safe with us." Meaning the ashes were urned and on the shelf above the frireplace awaiting internment.

From snippets of conversation the child and youth care worker joined the dots. The two children were living with the delusion that their mother was alive and living in Zimbabwe awaiting an internment  At the hospital, they thought that the mother was just sleeping... she looked like she was sleeping. The funeral was just something we all went to as a Home.

Hasty footwork had to be done. The Zimbabwe relatives were persuaded to bring the ashes to Johannesburg. An internment was arranged. The two children held and placed the  urns into the wall of remembrance.  They were told to tell us all what they remembered about their mother now gone forever. The cubicle was sealed with a plaque. They helped. There were tears....at last !!! Good healthy tears.

A friend brought her to the office "She has not been at all well" she said. "It seems like she's in another world...like she's not connected."  She had asked to see her children.

"Let's talk a bit while we we call the children"...structural delay.

Fear struck suddenly, looking towards the door, "They're coming! They're coming!"

"Who's coming?" 

"They are coming. They are coming to suck my blood and take me away. Only the blood of Jesus can stop them. They are coming."

 "I can call upon the blood of Jesus and chase them away" I said.

 Putting my hands without contact around her head, I said the words I thought were needed. "Out...Out In the name of Jesus.

She stiffened like a board, like a plank of wood, resting her neck on the chairback and her legs outstretched in front of her. Then she slumped into a coma. like state.

The resident nurse was called and the ambulance. Vitals were taken. They were fine.

 The Psychiatric ward did wonders and after three days she was discharged.

At the back of this episode was a true story which had an indelible effect on my practice.

A woman in a psychiatric facility for some or other condition refused to eat. This was unrelated to her diagnosis.  It didn't matter what they brought her, or what they did, they could not persuade her to eat. The doctors and the psychologists did all they could. But...Nope!!

 She was fading, wasting away and would surely die.

 A young intern was the only one who had been part of the treatment procedures asked to be allowed to try. It was agreed. "OK, you try."

he went to her bedside . She said,"Im not going to eat. They are trying to poison me".  '

"You're right he said. They are trying to kill you. They're not trying to poison you. They want yo to starve to death.'

That evening, she ate.

"What did you do?"

Our best qualified professionals tried and she didn't eat. What did you do?"

'I needed", he said "to step into her world for a moment...into her reality. Her fantastic delusion is her reality. I agreed with her reality as a start and worked from there". 

ALCOHOL...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA

 

Certainly more than thrice on my watch, there was occasion for young people to be whipped off to the hospital emergency rooms for a stomach pump. They were not just drunk on alcohol, but unconscious with the risk of alcohol poisoning.

The one really did nearly die. He was 14 years old and was place as  procedure had it from a facility that transitioned boys at that age. At 14, in our facility,  he was put into a so called senior house.

Brandy was forced down him - held and poured down his throat. They said it was initiation. He was to prove he was a senior 

 Deeply unconscious the emergency room had to give him breathing assistance on a ventilator and an immediate stomach pump.

 He was unconscious for three days, He could have died. The father and I sat bedside . Of course there was a threat of legal action. I would e held responsible.

Child and youth care workers in open facilities in particular and in community-based settings have to expect alcohol experimentation and more . Drinking to get drunk is not uncommon. Organisatio'nal procedures are established for dealing with drunk young people. I learnt a lot from first aid courses - how to position them in the recovery position and..and..and. When and how to talk this thing through.

Alcohol stories abound.

The 60 seater bus was pulled up just outside the main gate. The boys loaded themselves in it to go to the annual camp. The very back seat of the bus was highly favoured. A full bus width bench seat. I couldn't understand why it stayed empty

Roll-call. Some senior boys and a staff member not yet boarded. - '"wait.. wait they're coming" There came two large boys. They  were carrying a long roll of blankets in which there must have been something heavy,

"Luggage in the luggage hold

" No.. It's needed for the journey.

"'Well put it on the back seat"'

Then came the staff member...clearly drunk...like, body swaying drunk.

Me: "Off, off. You're not coming like that. I can't deal with this now... when we get back from camp. Just go back to your flat now."

He did.

The bus was a good number of kilometers from the facility when the blankets were unwrapped. Inside, now revealed, was a boy, the brother of one of the resident boys...and what we called an old boy of the residential programme. 

Broad smiles throughout the bus. They had smuggled him onto the bus to come to the camp holiday uninvited and disallowed. They had waited to unwrap him when the bus would not turn back.

 The story behind this was that the brothers had sat with the staff member most of the night, fed him with alcohol and drank together. They then brought him in on their plan. Bribed and drunk he went along with it.

What do we have here? I had heard stories, totally in breach of ethical code, of drinking alcohol with boys. The boys would then say "We will tell if you don't".....whatever . It cut two ways. Child and youth care worker may have provided the boys with alcohol as a bribe to stay silent about something or boys buying drinks for a staff member to do something outside of protocol. Mostly boys who were of, or near to the legal age allowing for its purchase.

Young people come into a programme with gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, substance addiction and more.  

We saw a viral video on Facebook which caused a huge outcry by and youth care workers in South Africa. It showed a young mother sitting at what appeared to be an outdoor picnic. She was drinking from a bottle. It looked like a bottle of cider or one of those fruit-flavoured vodka drinks. She put the bottle to the mouth of an approximately four year old girl obviously her daughter. The mother cheered, laughed and clapped when the little one drank from it Then she opened and gave a full bottle to the toddler as it's own. The child drank. Again the mother cheered, laughed and clapped. 

The Facebook comments from child and youth care workers urged that the mother be identified and charged with abuse. No mention was made however of multi-disciplinary developmental intervention.

I have, in community, seen this very frequently .. such that in a drinking situation, young children put out their hands and cried for a guzzle or a full bottle...like it's a soda pop. It is very scary.

And worse. I have been told stories by  grandmothers of children brought into care, that the mother put brandy in the baby bottle to make it sleep. That, and in some instances welcanol (pinks) a drug popular in the 80's, This to bring about sleep especially when a  sex-worker uses her own home at night.

He was just eight and he had a substantial vocabulary of the names of pills and drinks.

Just a thought. All of this makes cigarette smoking seem rather trivial.

Once a year at year end, the Board of Management held it's end of year function. The idea was two-fold. They would meet staff  who they had not face to faced during the year, They would introduce themselves. Names would be put to faces They would say an end of year thankyou to child and youth care and other staff. 

The Board paid. The Chairperson gave an order for the purchase of the alcohol. There was never any skimping. The help yourself bar had everything...a full drinks bar. Snacks and glasses were bought out.

When the facility moved into a group home setting one of the houses had a large hall used by the previous owner as a caravan repair workshop. That year it was the Board's obvious choice of venue for the year-end function.

 It had to be explained that there would be children and young people in the house  - those who who had no holiday placements with parents or hosts. Secondly the house was a no alcohol , no smoking no drug area. It was not a good idea for the child and youth care workers ,other staff and Board members to be seen to break their own rules. I said it would be OK if there was no smoking and no alcohol.

Panic...a lot of tap-dancing, but we're adults arguments .

They found a training room in the main office building, said that it had to be cleared. "It's small but it will do. We'll have the function here. At least here we can smoke and have alcohol drinks from our bar"

 

COVID VACCINATIONS CONCERNS...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA.

 

I have some concerns an a whole pile of questions around the Covid 19 vaccination roll out in South Africa. as it affects Child and Youth Care.

 Mostly questions.

 On February 1st 2021, the President outlined the vaccine roll-out. First, Health Care Workers, then essential service workers, then the aged and persons with underlying conditions. Then the adults of the Nation. No mention of children at all. There is this so called scientific evidence that children are at low risk.

Firstly. Child and youth care workers are legally essential service providers. Never, never have I heard the President in all his now many addresses to the Nation, nor anyone in high authority mention child and youth care workers as essential service workers.

The question, then is, Are they to get priority vaccinations?    We have lost child and youth care workers to Covid 19 and the new variant.

 In social media I saw that some child and youth care workers are saying quite forcefully that as their constitutional right, they won't accept vaccination. I must say that I have adopted something of a 'wait and see'  approach to this. At my age I have some concerns about the after effects. We are assured in South Africa that the vaccination is effective and safe. So where are we? 

It's a consideration that child and youth care workers work in close proximity with young adults and children and then go home to their own families. That proximity is not easily controlled as, for example, in a school. They don't sit at desks. In the residential facilities, social distancing between child and child and child and child care worker is particularly difficult, if not well nigh impossible. I see child and youth care workers saying that it is a constant battle to have children wear a mask or keep some type of distancing. In my experience, child care facilities are most likely high risk spaces. Many children and young people go home or to hosts for weekends and holidays. Who knows what precautions are taken there?

And the children? Did the 'people tests' of the vaccine also include children? What were the results? Are they to be excluded altogether? At what age will a young person, then, be considered eligible for the  vaccination roll-out?  This raises the question of constitutional rights of children. Will or is there a constitutional or regulatory age at which a child or young person can refuse a vaccination or that the parent, guardian or custodian can do that? 

Again, are there, or is there to be a child friendly vaccine? On admission to a child and youth care facility, we had to have a clinic card which showed that children had up to date vaccinations against small-pox, diphtheria, polio and so on. With Covid 19 will we soon as child and youth care workers have to check for evidence of such a vaccination as well?

In South Africa there is continuous and vocal debate as to whether it is safe or right that teachers go back to school, even now. Child and youth care workers have not been so debated. Obviously because there can't be debate. Like health care workers there simply is no choice.  

From experience this isn't any fun and certainly not easy. An epidemic of chicken pox in the facility was, on a smaller scale a learning experience. In brief...cut-off, no entry by anybody , food delivered only to the gate and very very, controlled movement of child and youth care workers. Some shift workers had to find a spare bed. Now with a vaccine, at least for adults this could be easier.

Child and youth care practice changes in both community settings and others.We learnt from the Hiv-AIDS pandemic. As with precautionary measures and as with ARV's and now with the Covid vaccine, it meant programmes of family education with the children as the central focus. Programmes that dispel fears, enlighten about the vaccine.

 So what then, as child and youth care workers, we have our own fears of the vaccination? As I said, I saw such fears spoken out on social media?

When being trained as a Life-line counsellor and later being a Life-line trainer, we were always told. If they say " I'm going to...or, I'm not going to" and it has the potential of risk or harm to self or others, you say "Yes, it is a choice, but  let's together think about what can be the outcomes, the consequences of doing that, or not doing that."

 The most likely 'to do or won't do today will be to get vaccinated or not to be vaccinated..to go to school, or not to go to school?...  that is the question. For the family one exercise, for child and youth care workers another...and what if there is, or will be a vaccination for children?

 

WE NEED, WE WANT...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA

 

At one time or another all of this has been said in these blogs..It all needs to be said again. Time ticks on and very little has changed.

The drive toward child and youth care professionalisation has been long. My guess is that the start was sometime in the early 1980's when the first training materials reached workers then continued towards becoming basic, then a university degree in child and youth care work in about  the early 90's. It was provided at the then Technicon University of South Africa ( UNISA).

I hold a National Association of Child Care Workers ( NACCW) certificate of registration introduced as a meantime measure to safeguard against unethical practice. It is dated 1993 together with a code of ethics for child and youth care workers.

This was in anticipation of the day when there would be a Professional Board for Child and Youth Care Work (PBCYCW) as part of the then amended South African Council for Social Work Which became the South Africa Council for Social Service Professions (SACSSP).The first PBCYCW sat in 2005 but the regulations for registration were gazetted only in 2013.!! Why the delays???

 I was given the task for the PBCYCW of presenting the regulations for registration to child and youth care workers in a national outreach programme. The enthusiasm and recognition for the need to register was demonstrated by the huge numbers of child and youth care workers who crowded the venues  in the Provinces to collect forms for registration.

With the registration of child and youth care workers came the expectation that there would be considerable advance in the status, availability of university degrees, salaries, recognition

Let's start with the last first.

 Well before registration  Masud Hoghughi trained South African organisations in the Problem Profile Approach ( PPA). Never will I  forget. He asked the question "How do you treat the children?" The answers came back in a long list. Given a voice, heard, listened to, with dignity, non-judgementally, developmentally, with respect, advocated for. Then he asked the question "How do you want to be treated?" When it came back...it was the same list. 

"You see," he said " what's good for the goose is good for the gander".

Implications - - management, other social service professions, employers and higher authorities should treat child and youth care workers as they expect child and youth care workers to treat the children.

 What child and youth care workers want is for this to happen. Especially after so many years of being regarded as a support worker, nanny, housefather, housemother, 

I have concluded that what child and youth care worker . want is more than this...it's what child and youth care workers and the field of Child and Youth Care NEED. 

Child and youth care workers, registered as professionals, constantly complain that the profession and their work is not recognised, And now with knowledge, skill and professionalisation. they are still treated like support workers. Some say that they are given domestic duties, driving and what I call "counting underpants". 

For all those years now, child and youth care workers themselves, the PBCYCW, the Council, the NACCW and others in higher authority have been informing and advocating to the authorities that child and youth care workers are in need of formal, administrative recognition as professionals and so given equal status and recognition as other social service professionals with the same qualifications and experience.  There is advocacy happening and advocates. It's a pity, I think that we don't always get to hear about what was said and done. The response is invariably that this is heard and that it is ongoing work in progress

But as I said "time ticks by". The effect of all this is reported as not  experienced by child and  youth care workers in the workplace. Despite the public service strike some years ago when social service professionals delivered 13 demands to higher authority. These demands included better conditions and salaries and equality of status for child and youth care workers. Despite the undertaking by the then Minister that by the end of that October month the demands would be met, in real terms for child and youth care workers...nothing, they say, has changed.

Child and youth care workers say that they need to be heard, to be listened to, that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, appears to be an unfulfilled need. It has to do  with need for esteem and for self-actualisation. When needs are not met.?.. well.. ask Maslow.

Availability of University education grew at first, then shrunk. Distance learning through UNISA was a huge step in the right direction for the field of Child and Youth Care. Then quite suddenly, it didn't accept an intake and removed child and youth care from the list of courses offered. This left, country wide, a good number of child and youth care workers trapped.at  the diploma level. In terms of the SACSSP registration regulations, their level of education permits them to register only at the auxiliary level unless they submit a Portfolio of Evidence (PoE) showing competence at the degree level

Just before registration regulations were signed and published in a Government Gazette in 2013, the then Minister of Social Development injected a significant boost into the Child and Youth Care field and practice in South Africa. Her Department of Social Development on her initiative and leadership  .  funded 10,000 child and youth care workers to be trained as. learners at the Auxiliary level and to be deployed throughout South Africa in the community -based Child and Youth Care model known as ISIBINDI. It rolled out very well. Targets were largely met. Learners received two years training while they practiced. Stipends were given to the learners...Ideal !

The Child and Youth Care service reached village and rural areas where it was needed and otherwise not available.

 I remember at the launch of the project in one of the Provinces, a state official said to the learners and leaders that, in that Province, the budget had been approved and available for the stipends. There were to be graduates at the end of that year. I asked for the budget for those who would then be qualified....silence. 

 And so, will you believe it? That situation has continued for many, child and youth care workers. Graduated at the auxiliary level but still paid the learners stipend. (and sometimes not paid for long periods).

 At a fairly recent meeting with the Department of Social Development, I was told that salaries (as opposed to stipends), can only be paid to persons appointed to posts and that posts have not been created or approved. There were times when, in any case, posts in the state service had been frozen. The procedures and protocols for the establishment of posts is a very long complicated process. they said.

The wants of child and youth care workers? The needs of child and youth care workers? 

Remember, it's quite a long list ; status, recognition, a voice, heard, dignity, development, respect University access, equality, salaries.

Remember. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

. 

HEAR THE LONGING...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA

 

It was a Conference presentation. A residential facility for girls had clearly briefed about 4 adolescent girls to present the, facility and its programme in a very positive light. "It's nice here, we are well cared for with clothing food and child and youth care workers who look after us", and more and more...

 The coaching, for me, was far too obvious.

I was told later, "You never do that". Unfortunately, too late. I had. Come question time my question was, "Girls, If I had a magic wand and gave you one wish to come true, what will it be?"

The team leader replied, "to be with my family as a happy family". She then broke down and wept. Then the rest of the girls cried also. 

This wasn't that unexpected. I had this before. Once in a facility, the middle class lifestyle is attractive, but as child and youth care workers, do we hear the real longing?

They were each given a piece of paper and pen. "Write down "What is CARE?" Boys and girls, all ages. Child and youth care workers wrote what the little ones wanted to say. The idea was to get a profile, a picture the children's view of care so that, if needed, policy and child and youth care work could adjust to meet their expectations of care - seen as their needs.

First, some little background. It was my professional view that at least 50% of the children and young people didn't really need to be there. The conscience solving the then so called issue of white poverty by filling up and funding Children's Homes was not ethical and quite deaf to the the children's real longings. It was further supported by Boards of Management which were keen to keep a steady predictable heads on beds monthly income by keeping the facility full. It encouraged long term stay.

 The environment was comfortable with excellent facilities, decor, meals and recreational facilities.

The children's response to the "What is CARE" question followed the Conference girl's presentation. It was defined in terms of the child as and youth care worker's, then, practice view. "You are cared for when they give you nice clothes to wear, nice duvet on my bed, nice food...especially pudding, sweets and ice-cream. They look after you when you are sick."

I'll stay", she said. "My little brother can go to my mother. I'll never get to college. If I stay, I will. I need to be with her and my brother but I'll stay".

But do you hear the longing?

In other contexts, I heard that called, parking off. 

Small built. A good looking youngster in care. His mother's situation eased' She said that she could look after him now. He can come to the room where she was staying. In my opinion it was a bit risky. What if the psychological and so the small financial situation should change again? 

"What if things change again?  You can choose. What if you and your mom have to live under bridges again? No TV, No new clothes, cardboard for a bed? " 

No hesitation "Ill be with Mom". 

'Twas like that Conference moment  The longing.

She only ever glimpsed her father once as he passed her and her mother when the bus he was driving passed them in that street. "That's your father", the mother said. Now knowing the bus company name for whom he worked, she set out to find him. It took three weeks and she went to an address given to her by some other driver. When she got there she was told that he had died in a vehicle crash. She grieved deeply. In her tears she sobbed, " I didn't even have time to call you Dad."  

There's a song I really love. It's called The Prayer of the Children. It is a call through the voices of children for peace, safety, and love in the world in which they are caught up, trapped in violence and war-like situations. A prayer also for the saving of their souls if they should die before they wake. Trapped in our world

Most moving. 

As at the Conference presentation, all too often the needs, the longing can be masked in an institution world. Then through the cracks,the light shines.

"Only you", she said "Only you. You and Social Welfare are keeping me from my mother. You and the Social Workers are keeping me prisoner."

Hear the longing. 

Do we hear the prayer of the children? 

  

PRE-COVID CHRISTMAS IN CARE ...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA

 

"My children have sorted out their old toys. We wanted them to learn how to give to the less fortunate".

 There their children stood. Boxes in hand. Old, often worn and broken toys. '' This is for the poor children".  they would say.

"I'm sure you can fix them," say the parents

The intention, I suppose is good. The reality longer term - I'm not sure.

 With this kind of experience in mind, a newspaper journalist who wrote at Christmas referred to the children in care as   "weggooi kinders" (throw-away children). It was an insulting, irresponsible choice of word to highlight abandonment and neglect...and to encourage people to give of their unwanted toys and children's clothing.

The children and youth in the facility picked it up. The children read what she wrote, as "she says we are garbage. We are throw-away children"

The delegation came to the office. They wanted action from the newspaper reporter, an apology and a firm agreement with the newspaper that nothing would be printed in the press without them. "Nothing about us, without us". Quite right!

Meanwhile broken toys and worn clothing streamed in.

 What the children and youth wanted was NEW CLOTHES. It was predictable. Every year "Christmas clothes, chosen by us". 

Miracles, I always would say, happen in the helping profession - especially for children. The Board of Management made it their annual project. Child and youth care workers accompanied children and young people to the clothing retail shops. It was a memory making event. Some of the young people in care at the time, now 45 to 50 something years old still remember. 

For some reason there appeared to be a certain leniency at Christmas in the granting of leave of absence. Was it in some cases sentiment over professionality on the part of the Department of Welfare? "Families must be together at Christmas."  And if it wasn't direct family, hosts abounded. "We would like to have an orphan with us at Christmas.'

Then came the many happy returns. "Please come and get me. Things are bad here".

'Twas so. Weddings funerals and Christmas, alcohol flows freely. It starts out OK. Then family feuds often raise themselves all over again.

Christmas day then, was often a day of suprises.

The policy was that staff got away every second Christmas, Christmas  "off".  That included me. We took it in turns to host Christmas lunch for the left behinds and the otherwise unexpected number of many happy returns. who could have had to be fetched on Christmas day itself. The numbers game.

 No wine on the table that year...and no turkey leftovers !!.

 Oh, I forgot to tell you. Before the end of the fourth term, the Board of Management insisted that they join the children for a Christmas dinner. They wanted that the children should meet them and that they saw the children in the newly bought Christmas clothes. The children saw the faces of the gift givers. Thanks were the order of the occasion

At some point, Father Christmas arrived. Ho, Ho Ho. - bag full of wrapped presents for each child.

Every year at Christmas the motorbike boys in Johannesburg have what they call the Toy Run. They buy toys and bike en-masse to some place to hand them to  poor children.

One year the chose St Goodenough for their handout. There was any amount of preparation needed for this high profile event. St Goodenough had the responsibility of getting some other child and youth care facilities and programmes to come on that day, to provide catering and to accomodate 300 - 500 motorbikes 600 - 1000 counting riders and their pavilion passengers. Father Christmas would arrive in a helicopter landed on the soccer-fields.

 First came the motorbikes and bikers. Hell's Angels, in fact all manner of Angels, Christian bikers and skinheads and whosoever more. Then the wrapped parcels were made into piles. Boy, Girls aged 4-13, boys ,girls 13 and over. They          formed small mountains of wrapped gifts. Then came the helicopter. The bearded man in the red outfit appeared.

 There was some semblance of order created with long queues of children and young people regulated by child and youth care workers to meet, one by one with Father Christmas and be given a present.

Things happened which disrupted the intended good order of the event. Many a child and young person stashed the gift away and joined the queue again. On leaving I saw children and young people carrying up to five presents in their arms. "It's for my cousins at home. They couldn't come", 

 There was the problem of the bread rolls filled with our traditional sausage (boerewors). The St Goodenough Old-Boys ran out. Had to out to buy more and all their money was stolen.

 Then for the final blow. After the event the organisers came to see me. 'We will never come back here again.  There were far too many black children getting presents!"

Christmas giving is never intended to do this. We all know. But in child and youth care work It seems to me to be a difficult balance, creating memorable Christmas moments, exampling the spirit of giving against the possibility, the risk, of a life-span world view. A risk of of learned dependency, the handout mentality and "I'm deprived, you must, you owe me".

 I wonder?

I wonder also, has Christmas 2020, the Covid Christmas presented us with any lessons?

DISTORTED...DAMAGING OR DIFFERENT...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA.

 

Radio 2020 FM

"We apologise for that. there was distortion on that last tune we played. It wasn't the disk. The disk is fine. It was the motor that drives it. It was irregular. It caused WOW. We'll fix it.

 I knew the tune well. Not quite as I was accustomed to hear it. It's called the Unchained Melody.  

A South African couple in London were eating takeaway cooked chicken as they walked through the streets. A stranger, a Londoner stopped them. "Are you from South Africa?" he asked. "Yes. How do you know?"

"Only South Africans eat chicken with their fingers walking in the streets and crunch on the chicken bones." 

 Wasn't the bones exactly, but those crunchy bits of bone at the joints.

It was not quite as Londoners were accustomed to see chicken eaten. It was another normal.

 It was a policy change. "As at the new term, we won't have Junior and Senior Houses. Younger or older brother siblings will be in the same House." All were duly briefed and prepared.

Day one - more accurately, night one, of the new term.

 Stones were thrown onto my roof. Being a galvanised metal roof, the hard metallic thuds could not be ignored.

 It was Moleta. "Tomorrow morning we'll talk".

"We were always together in the streets. We came in together. We were together, our beds next to each other, in the dormitory.  Now he's not next to me in the dorm. You took my friend from me and put him in another house. You have broken our friendship. It can't ever be same now".

I heard myself talking in my head.

"I have childhood and school friends. We live in different cities  even different Provinces. We see each other seldom. We are still and will always be. This is distorted relationship behaviour".

I heard my professional self say

"Let's see what we can do. Your friend is with his brother, I can see, you too are his brother, Let's find a bed for you in that other house as well. And Moleta,if you want to talk anytime, you can knock on my door, even it's at night. I'll listen."

I had to make a sideways step. 

"You had better come quickly. He's getting very aggressive, threatening. He says he'll beat us up now. He says he wants to talk with you.

He stood, feet firmly planted a little apart, his arms as if he had tennis- balls in his armpits. His pupils were narrow and his colour up...the fighting stance.

"You will take me home in the mini-bus"

It  was his weekend to go to his mother after a long time on the streets and a lot of reunion work.

 "We gave you money to get home in the taxi"

 I'll @@@ you up if you don't take me home in the mini-bus."

There was a very long verbal toing and froing when suddenly the main man burst into tears. "I don't know how to do it."

It's not that he didn't know the taxi bus ranks. He didn't know which taxi-bus to board and what to do to pay and get home..

Two professional steps backwards. It was a WOW. So much unlearning to be done. Unlearning about streetwise, learned dependency, adolescent independence, hand-out living, ... the world owes me, . - lots of misconceptions for us to relearn. And so we did. ,.. slowly but surely. 

He was said to be streetwise. It meant that he knew very well how to survive . His favourite haunt was the red-light area of Johannesburg.

 It was on his mother's insistence that social workers place  him in the facility. She said that he needed to be contained - not locked in, but to be managed, He needed to learn, she said, to live within some so-called normal societal behavioural constraints, to shift his behaviour from intolerable to be at least tolerable, acceptable to her and to most other people.

 Sounded reasonable.

Do's and don'ts, institutional rules made little sense to him. "Why?" 

US, "Because that's how it is". 

HIM "" You got it all wrong. Boring, very boring. In the streets I'm free. I live by being clever. About four days later he would reappear, "I'm back." It was an unchained melody in notes that we were unaccustomed to hearing. It was another normal for us.

It was all an unlearning and relearning experience for us, It asked us to look at our young people and children's worlds through their spectacles. Our thinking took a major shift. Our programmes, our approach had to meet the young people's world and their needs...not the young people fit our mould..fit our cookie cutter.