Taking the gap professionally

Who said this, I can't remember. It was given to me by an experienced child and youth care worker after about six years of my coming into practise.

    "The measure of your professionality is the time you take to act."

At that time, for me, there was -  only one time - NOW ! Whatever the acting out situation was, everything, anything, I thought, demanded of me, Immediate reaction, immediate intervention. 

     "Thing has to be sorted NOW!'' 

I Do remember this. It was a story Thom Garfat told of his situational child and youth care response.

He got the frequently urgent call.

        "You'd better come NOW. They're throwing everything out of              the window. Everything - furniture, everything."

He knew it was a second floor window. He went. It was as the had said.

          "What are you going to do" they asked.

           "I'm going back to my office to think."

Thom said, he lay on the carpet in his office for an hour. Then, he went back.

             "What are you going to do?"

              "Anything damaged, or lost will not be replaced."

               "IS THAT ALL ?"

               "That's all. Anything damaged, or lost will not be replaced."

As an accountable professional, he explained his decision. It would take time. There was no quick fix. No immediate action would have made a difference in behavioural mindset. Doing without was a lesson for life.

In 1996, within a week of my appointment to a large, dormitory residential setting for boys, Thom Garfat and his wife came to South Africa for a workshop tour. I was asked to host them. 

We were sitting in the lounge when came a loud shouting outside my house. Thom and I looked through the bars of my back patio gate. A large group of boys had grouped and were yelling. It was a group protest, Thom said.

         "Go out there. Be firm. Disperse them, you'll talk to three of               their leaders tomorrow in the morning They are testing you."

This was a first for me - having to face what I experienced as a 'mob'.

Out I went, well advised, firm and decisive with a plan and a timeframe.

           "Go back to your dormitories. Whatever it is you want me to              know, choose three boys to speak for you and i       will meet 

 with them in my office first thing in the morning."

Bit of a chatter. They dispersed.

Thom had watched the whole interaction through the wooden bars of the patio gate.

On my return:

             "You did well," he said.

There was no carpet; no hour of thinking.

               "Go out there, Be firm."

The same Thom Garfat, a different response time for a different child and youth care situation.

I was getting it!

Victor Frankl wrote. 

               "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that                       space is our power to choose our response. In our                                 response lies our growth and our freedom."

In child and youth care practice that space can vary from ignoring and deliberate delay to acting in a flash. Take the gap we must. It is called the move from instinct, our REACTION to our PROFESSIONAL RESPONSE.

No matter how emotive is the situation the child and youth care worker takes a step back. The inner professional voice speaks, shifts focus from our personal self to our professional self. Focus! - it's not what is happening inside me that matters now, it's what's going on inside that child. inside the young people.

There are huge learnt professional skills at work in that gap between stimulus and response.

We have learnt to stay calm 'no matter what', no matter when.

We have learnt to relax our bodies in moments of stress. We have learnt to breath.

 We have learnt to regulate our tone of voice.

WE have learnt to  swiftly observe and take note.

 We have learnt to ask "What's REALLY  going on here - to grasp the hidden behind the observable. WE call it MEANING MAKING IN THE MOMENT.

WE ask "What lessons for life are there for the children if I handle this professionally?"

WE take the gap between stimulus and response and we choose to act professionally.

 That's what we do.

Ahead of Hair

He was a sturdy, tough guy.

  "I'm not going to school. You can do what you like. I'm not going to  school". 

Classic school refusal.

I was taught that point blank, heels dug in, school refusal was a psychological emergency, a matter for referral. 

I had to ask; Why. 

  "They say, I must cut my hair. They say I've got 'til Monday to go       to a barber on Saturday. Only me. I can choose to cut my hair.             They can't make me cut my hair. I'm not going to school. My hair        is ME . They can't make me cut my hair. My hair is who I Am.          My hair is ME. They can't mess with the ME that is ME.

It WAS long. Long and fair and curly. His hair was indeed a major mark of his identity.

I couldn't help thinking of a Sampson going to a Deliliah school.

 It was the school that needed referral.

The dormitory boys knew what I was yet to learn. Boy's hair is deeply connected to SELF. I had got it for girls, but hadn't made that link with boys.

I inherited a culture that had to be changed. Boys administered punishment to boys considered by them, to be offenders. One was , what they called, a 'hot-cross bun'  A group of boys would hold the alleged offender down and one, using a battery operated razor would shave to the scalp, a broad path; forehead to  the neck and ear to ear.

It was the ultimate humiliation and degradation of dignity and self esteem. Many hot-cross bun boys hid themselves in isolation whenever they could. Frequent and understandable school refusal abounded.

The all male child and youth care workers brushed it off with:   

    "The boys have their own way of dealing with things".

Again, hair is deeply connected with self-image and the concept of self. There's a strong emotional connection too. Boys and girls.

In training child and youth care workers and in discussion about TOUCH, I would ask:

      "Can I touch you?".

Always the same reply:

        "Where?".

         "Can I put my hand on your shoulders?".

          "Yes".

           "Can I hold your hand?".

           "Yes". 

            "Can I touch your hair, put my fingers through you hair?"

            "NO!  Please, not my hair. Don't mess with my hair!"

First call of the morning.

            " Barrie. That special favourite girl of yours in my house".

            "I don't have favourites".

             "I'm talking about Nhlanhla. The one you call Nana. She's                    not yet 18. She asked to go to the early movie show at the                  mall. I said OK, she must be back by eight-o'clock. She                      didn't get back here until 2am. And; she was drunk. She                      says, after the movie, she and her friend were walking                        through the parking lot. There were some boys in a parked                  car. They invited them to sit in the car and have a drink.                     They got talking and laughing, had more drinks. They                          brought Her back at 2pm".      

One of my favourite questions to child and youth care workers:

             "What did you do?"
              "I cut off her hair, took away her wigs. I said to her, 'There,                 now boys won't find you attractive 'til it grows again' ''.

In South Africa now that punishment is, by regulation, no longer permitted. It's a disallowed punishment. To cut hair or shave the head is classified as a physical violation and abusive humiliation. It is a breach of professional ethics.

Then there are times in South Africa when cultural practices do require head shaving. The practices of culture are a constitutional right and supercede other regulations . Indigenous African head shaving practices vary somewhat ethnically, tribally and from clan to clan. Child and youth care workers must expect and possibly undertake head shaving of children as rites of passage.

In some groups, birth hair is shaved at three to six months.

At one year the head is shaved.

Within three days of the burial of an immediate family member, the head is shaved.

On return from initiation school, the head is shaved. Shaved hair is always burnt or flushed to avoid it being accessible through which possible affliction can be cast.

If it is so in Africa, then it surely there are hair rites in cultures, religions and peoples about the globe.  

I've always liked Jung's theory of the collective unconscious. It means that images and knowing is passed to us through an undefined number of ancestors over an undefined period of time.(eons !).

Some may say we know instinctively.

SO. I think it is with our heads of hair. We unconsciously know the complex, psychological influence of hair deep within our psyche as an extension of our selves.

 The big ones seem to be, physical attraction, identity, self esteem, confidence, status, self acceptance, self worth and cultural ,group or religious belonging. We know hair as a power building tool for all these things.

In child and youth care practice, this knowing can't remain dormant or unconscious.

We have to bring it to our awareness! 

On matters of hair, we ask:

        "What is REALLY going on here? What can I do with children and young people, their hair and their selves to best support them in their personal development and wellbeing"

This is what we do in child and youth care work.

          

     

".

LET'S TALK EXPANDED LANGUAGE TALK

 

The call: on the line, Brian Gannon, South Africa's Child and Youth Care guru and pioneer.

   "Barrie, that place where you're training workers; that new Place        of   Detention for Young Offenders; what conversations do you          hear child and youth care workers having with the boys?"

No hesitation. An answer given through examples.

   "Did you put your washing in the laundry? I know you didn't. Go        do it now!"

     "BOY! Those sneakers, they're dirty. Go scrub them and bring           them back for me to see."

Brian labelled the talk, 

      "Routine logistics talk."

Spot on. Restricted language in a restricted institutional environment with language deprived young people.

Little wonder the effect of institutionalization has had a poor prognosis for children and youth in care.

In contrast.

A retired child and youth care worker previously in a village cottage setting:

   "You know, what I remember and enjoyed the most?  We sat around the coffee table after dinner and just chatted, the girls and me and chatted and laughed. It's a good memory.      

     "What kinds of thing did you chat about?"

      "Aah, you know teen girl talk. Gossip, stories about boyfriends            and the going ons at school. One I remember especially.

       "Do you know the Simphiwe  girl in tenth grade? We were all              we were all walking, a whole bunch of us, to get the bus. Her              panty elastic broke and her panties fell down to her ankles .               She just stepped out of them and carried on walking."

Huge laughter. 

   "I was part of the group, so I asked,' How do you think she felt?"

    "Like shit!"

    "How would you feel if it was you?"

     "Shit!"

      "I think I would be feeling very embarrassed, somehow shamed          and guilty like it was my fault my elastic broke."

       "Another girl picked them up and gave them to her in the bus.               Maybe she put them back on in the bus."

         "How very kind and thoughtful of her."

Me:

   "Oh wow. You were good!"

Casual, informal, in the moment, in the life-space educare; mediated language learning.- from restricted to elaborated language.

It's BLISS.

At one time, one of  the leading South African universities gave short courses in Mediated Learning Experience (MLE).

It was a perfect fit with Child and Youth Care practice. A lecturer voluntarily gave our child and workers  a brief course on Mediated Language Development.

 That's why I remember BLISS.

Bridge: Bridging is the main idea behind the learning experience. The child care worker places themselves as the go-between the developing child and the world They interact in such a way as to help the child make meaning of the world . One way is through language It means developing a more enlarged use of language to help the children express their new hightened understanding.

Then came some method

Linking: It's what I like to call 'thinking laterally'. It's helping the children to see, find and use words for similarities.

A small girl found an acorn.

   "What's this?", she asks.

   "It's an acorn, like a nut from that big tree. It has a seed inside              it. "If we plant it, a big oak tree will grow."

She:

   "It looks like a locusts head."

Me:

   " Yes, We have a locust-head acorn." ( from simile to metaphor).

 And a huge, in my head happy dance. This little on made a link, shape to  shape, image to image and communicated it. If she didn't I  might have asked her if it looked like something else she knew.

Interpretation:
     "Yuk man! This rice is like porridge. Yukkie porridge !"

      "Are you saying you don't like the rice today because it's soft and          sticky?" 

       "Ya."

        "You like it when it has separate grains and not too soft?" 

         "Ya."

          "And you're not going to eat it?"

          "Ya'."

Summarising: ( It's back to school). Capturing the essence of the children's possibly muddled conversation in restricted language and the rephrasing it succinctly in more a accurate language.  

        "I think what you have said is..."

Sequencing": Children and young persons raised in language deprived environments show difficulty in communicating  events in the right chronological order, especially if what happened was stressful or painful.

         "Whoa, lets go slowly from the beginning. The very first thing            that happened was...?

There it is.

It's what we do as child and youth care practitioners. It is in the moment, it seems casual, but it's interactive educare at its best.

IT'S BLISS.

Compilation of 28 blogs in a Kindle ebook

 28 of the blogs in his blogsite have been compiled into an ebook. They are no longer viewable in the site, but available at the following link.

https://a.co/d/cjuvnRq

The site is alive and well, still with the other blogs. 

Watch this space... There's more to come 

CHILDHOOD PREGNANCIES...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA.

 

It's said we have two pandemics - Covid 19 and childhood pregnancies 

Globally the stats are concerning. Apparently, an estimated 21 million girls aged 15 - 19  become pregnant and about 12 million in developing countries give birth every year.

News 24 reported a top story saying that more than 600 hundred girls aged 9 - 10 years gave birth in South Africa in 2020. It quotes Statistics South Africa as having 890,303 babies born and of these, 34,587 were born to girls 17 years and younger.

 Provincially, in South Africa I will focus on Gauteng, the Province in which I live. 

The Gauteng Department of Social Services announced that of the births recorded, there were more than 23,000 teenage pregnancies between April 2020 and March 2021. 

Again Gauteng, 2,976 girls aged 10 - 14 years chose abortion. That's a very scary figure which obviously raises the pregnancy statistics,. These are only the recorded abortions. Locally it is said that  there are herbal "Medicines' which, swollowed or vaginally douched can precipitate an abortion. Private doctors perform abortions. Individual statistics for these abortions, I have not seen.

The  counting confirms the crisis.

 The questions asked are whether there is any substantive research into the reasons for the huge increasing number of early pregnancies. I've only come across opinions, hear-say, and experiential narratives.

 My opinion is based on my experience as a child and youth care worker in a number of different settings.

 Bells would tinkle for me in any of these settings when sexual interest manifested in behaviours earlier than developmentally expected. ..like 9- year olds provocatively picking up the skirt to expose her panties; a history of sexual abuse; school girls with working boyfriends; taking sanitary pads then having them found stashed in the top of the wardrobe or hidden in lockers; precocious flirtation.

My experience is that the first time is not the only time and that following her first penetrative sex experience we could safely say that the girl was sexually active. Given the right kind of trust in a child and youth care worker, girls would share their sexual status. It was important in any event because of possible HIV .

 She was 10 years old - not yet menstruating. The playground duty teacher found her pulling boys into the girls toilet. Some boys  complained. The school complained. Something they said, had to be done. One thing we could do was to allocate a child and youth care worker to be on hand to allow the school a swift call out. 

 We had a Sexologist on the Board of Management. She offered to spend time with the girl.

 "Barrie. You must put this girl onto contraception...the injection

"But she's not menstruating and she's only 10 "..

"You have to choose. She can menstruate at any time. Either you contracept, or you have a childhood pregnancy on your hands. You must decide"

I struggled. Do I, can I put a premenstrual girl on contraception?.'

I safe-guarded myself by taking my opinion to the full Board of Management.

Agreed. She must be on the injection.

If, as an institution, we found this to be such a complex ethical dilemma, then how much more is this for a parent both an ethical and practical dilemma.

The general chatter in the villages, townships, and even in the inner city was and I hear, still is that the local clinics are not always child friendly. The Health practitioners have been known to shout at the girls and to call them names. They can I was told, be judgemental, Local people have said often to me that they fear talk. Talk where everybody knows everybody. "Now everyone will know. What do they say about me as a girl? 'What do they say about me as a mother?'

There are other factors at work. One is economic. We have a child care grant to unworking mothers. When it was first made available and paid, there was a lot of talk that in poor families some of the girl's mothers, after the first baby was born, told the girl to go get herself pregnant again in order to get a second grant. Then there are incidents of the girl's mother applying to foster those children in order to get the larger foster care grant.

Sugar Daddies are now called ' Blessers' in South Africa. I experienced this mostly in township environments. If he had a car and some form of job title,  - he was a target. But then again the girls were frequently sought after, called 'Sweet 16's or "Fresh young ones" They would pay a 'girlfriend allowance and more. It's money for sex.  

Girls have explained their pregnancy as peer pressure. They say that their friends were all 'doing it.' and "It's nice. Don't listen to your parents, they are just old fashioned. The boy can wear a condom."

Boys, however were sayng that sex with a condom was like eating a sweet with it's paper on. Sex with a condom was not good sex.

I had more than one experience of girls deliberately trying to get pregnant to escape having to be at school or to escape their placement in the Children's Home. If girls were on the pill, we had to take responsibility as child and youth care workers to to administer the pill ourselves and to check under the tongue to see it had been swallowed.

The effect of early pregnancies in South Africa, as anywhere, but in a country riddled with excessive poverty and unemployment, is that the cycle, not only remains unbroken, but exacerbated. Girls are no longer expelled from school when pregnant. Once having given birth if there is a caregiver.. like granny, they can return to class. My experience is that many don't complete their education to matric (maturity) level. That makes it even more difficult to find work.

 Now for Covid 19.. are the two, now called pandemics, connected?

There has been , world wide, an incline in the number of girls giving birth during this period. Some opinions are that it is too early to tell if Covid 19 is a major contributing factor in this.

In SouthAfrica, there is a startling figure of a 60% increase following the lockdown period in which schools were closed or class reduced.  ( Again, the Gauteng Department of Health Report)

Some opinion has it that during the lockdown, contraceptives were in short supply or unavailable in the clinics. That included condoms.

 Violence against women and children has itself been called an epidemic and a culture in recent years in this country. The number if incidents of gender violence and child abuse increased during the lockdown.  The 2020| 2021 Annual Crime Statistics Report put the number of child assaults at 24000. Child rape statistics increased.

Taken all in all, we have a serious crisis with no easy solutions  When the Child and Youth Care system had to be overhauled and transformed in this country, in 1995 forward, an Inter Ministerial Committee was formed. It is time to form such a body again to address this crisis. Social Welfare, Health, Education, at least,

As social service professionals and practitioners, we advocate for social workers, community development workers, youth workers and child and youth care workers to be employed wherever children and young people are. As an inter managerial team (IMT), there has to be strategic, structured and unstructured interventions and support to contribute to the mitigation of  this crisis. 

 We need child and youth care workers employed in schools and in communities to do what they do best in the transformation of South African society.

That's what we do!

  

  

 

  

PEOPLE INFLUENCE...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

You may say  this is not a child and youth care work story.

But it is!

I have been frequently asked "Who in your life influenced you the most to be what you are today, and why?' 

Teaching, like child and youth care work, changes lives. The teacher/child relationship (dyad) is perhaps, not as intense, not as intimate. Connectedness within the formality of the classroom environment doesn't always allow it.

My big teacher influence, did !

He was my Art subject teacher in Secondary School.

 There was a rule. If your class teacher didn't come to the classroom, then, after ten minutes, you "Get on with your own work ". 

 Our Maths teacher was the Deputy Headmaster. Deputies were required to to teach on a very reduced schedule because of their administrative responsibilities.. We called him "Klop". The boys gave him that name because he wore metal studs in his shoes. When he walked the cements corridors, we could hear him coming with the klip. klop, klip, klop.

 That day  - no klip, klop. After ten minutes "Get on with your own work." I had a partly completed cay pot waiting to be finished in the Art Block, ...far from the regular classroom. So, off I trotted.

"Klop came", they said. "He marked yo absent in the absentee book. Quick ! Go chase the absentee boy and cross out your name.".  Bunking class was an offence punishable by the cane. Klop was known to cane very hard. "'See, I'm not absent, I'm at school." So the absentee boy allowed my name to be crossed through. 

 Next morning in assembly, the Headmaster called out the names of offenders. "Come to my office". My name was among them.

"You bunked Maths."

"No Sir."...Explanation given.

 "Bunked AND tampering with official documents. This will hurt me more than it will hurt you - BEND !'

It was just a casual conversation with the Art teacher. "I came to finish my pot...and, and. and."

 "That's not right", he said. "That's  not fair. I'm going to the Headmaster about this. I'll talk to him about this."

 Which he did.

The report back to me was that the Headmaster apologised. He couldn't take back the cuts, but he would remove my name from the punishment book.

As a small, nothing learner, what was a somewhat thin teacher/learner connection, thickened. I had been heard, listened to and acted on behalf of , against extreme authority.

 As in class, I threw pots, we talked more than before. Especially about my future. In these interactions he dropped the school tags of "You boy!'...Lodge !.  "Little Lodge !". He called me by me first name.

 In one of these conversations, he said. "I know you want to be a doctor .  I know you think your parents can't afford it. That's not why I must tell you this. You are a teacher. Your not the best artist in the class but you are an Art teacher. But - do something about your voice. It's too monotone. You become an Art teacher and I'll take you into this Art School when you graduate."

And that' changed my life. I did want to teach Art. I knew it was my real career passion.  And that is what happened.

Art teacher in his Department..

Art teacher educator at a University,

Art therapist in a Child Guidance and Research Centre.

Clinical Director of Children and Youth Care residential facilities.

 Teacher of child and youth care workers

This is not a child and youth are story, you may say.

 BUT IT IS.

THE TONE TRICKLES DOWN...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE TALK

 

There are a number of words for it:  ethos, culture, tone. My word was wallpaper...the wallpaper of the facility programme.

 My view was that the 'wallpaper' of the programme is carried primarily by the child and youth care workers as a result of a top-down influence including management. From the ethos carried by staff, comes the rub-off, the trickle-down, which cascades to the young people. I believe It becomes the pervasive relationship style, the pervasive way of problem solving, the world view,, the way of reacting one with the other throughout.

In a group home setting, the child and youth care worker was brisk, often abrasive in maintaining somewhat narrow boundaries . The assistant child and youth care worker experienced this more dominating relationship work style "You do it this way !". Often voices were raised, volume up, body stiffened. The whole House echoed the noise.

He was a newish admission. It was at a returned absconder House Meeting. The question was whether he 'ran from, ran to, or just ran'. He said it was a run from.  "From what exactly?" 

"From you guys, all of you guys. From the staff. I couldn't be me! Always...do it like that! That's the way it is here. All of you with your 'I'll report you to the child care worker. And the child care worker 'Just do it...otherwise... Otherwise what?"

"You'll see. You'll see... And I'll call the Director." "I ran from all of you. Not one of you.. all of you."

 A young person came to me in my office. "Don't tell the child care worker I came to see you. I've got a problem, but I don't want to talk with her. I want to tell you. You know, there were three of us sitting in the foyer waiting for you to come. That child care worker saw us and she got really shirty. She said, 'What you waiting for? If you have a problem you come to me, not to him. You come to me, He's not a child care worker.. he's the Director.".

There was a pervasive climate of relationship ownership throughout . "Listen I'm your child care worker!" 

And so the ethos trickled down. "She's not your friend. She's my friend. Go find your own friend " 

It was in the wallpaper. No teamwork. My child, my problem...I'll deal with it and no-one else. Let alone the strengths and bonds of others on the staff...no team, strict role definitions and territory gaurding throughout. Let alone the support staff... 

 Revealed years after having been through the system... "You know who helped me the most?  You'll be surprised. It was Thembeka the cleaner. She came in every day - regular. She was straight. "Why don't you....."I needed that. At that time I needed that.. elder's  advice. I liked that woman. I didn't tell anyone, We were sort-of friends."

 Another time, another place, Group Home number two , House Meeting. The child and youth care worker here was really quite gentle, a listener .House Meetings were held weekly to allow for discussion on anything... a blank agenda form was held by a magnet to the fridge door. If the children and young people wanted to discuss anything, they would write it on the agenda list. 

 The top-down over-all tone was one of help and support..

The message acted out in practice was "We are all here together  for a reason. Let's see what we can do to make our lives better." 

 One Sunday two little boys had run and were hiding in the school grounds opposite and across the road from the group home. They showed themselves sometimes and then ducked behind the school building. The child and youth care worker called me. Quite right. I was 'on call'. They were small children and she needed support...not authority. I could see them as they ducked and dived around the school building. 

My approach...we can't chase and catch them. They will just run even further away next time. Let's leave the. Ignore them. If they don't come back themselves when it gets dusky, we'll make other plans.

 Sure enough they came back. They were fed, bathed  without comment and a House Meeting was called. In this House there was an 'I'm prepared to tell you' approach in the wallpaper. They were soon to be adopted. Everyone knew.  They said at the meeting that they heard one of the others say "Those two ankle biters are running away.... So, We did.!"

 At this there was a dreadful. emotionally packed .almost primal wail form one of the adolescent boys at the table. Then heavy sobbing. At least three others shed silent tears. The child and youth care worker did a good job of comforting the wailing boy. He was brought back to the table.

"Why? Why? Why? Why can't we all be kind to each other? We all got problems here! Why can't we just be  kind to each other"

 The table... "We sorry!"

The staff tone trickle-down of "Be the world you want to see" ..of...even and especially, the young people being, one for the other, part of healing was to become a trickle-down into the next generation and perhaps the next.

 I can confirm this. The much later social media posts of past residents surrounded by that wallpaper speak loudly of the suffering of the world and their making the world a better place.

They speak now with loud voices.