COMPETITION, COMPASSION,CARING....CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA

It was all about being the best,smartest,fastest, most skilled, excelling at schoolwork,getting the highest awards being recognised for leadership. Over 300 trophies, awards, blazer badges, stripes, strips and ties. All designed to hold up the young person as an achiever. There was a huge emphasis on sport,and academics.The first above others. The winner.

It lost most of the young people in the programme. 

It had to go. The trophies gradually handed over to a school.

Child and youth care is developmental, We focus on  growth. Here you were to here you are. Here I was to here I am.

One of the trophies had been donated in the 60's"  . It was called the the "Headmaster's Trophy" subsequently renamed to become the "Directors Cup".  Pure silver, large and heavily insured because of it's asset value alone.. The only trophy to live in the safe. The idea was to take the list of all the other trophy winners and find that one boy with the most and most widely spread awards. The winner of the winners so to say.

It took close on three years to shift the competition culture. It was  painful. Even the writer of the long history of the "St Goodenough Home for Boys" came to visit, manuscript in hand. "I'm stopping this history at your arrival here.              St Goodenough is no longer. You are the iconoclast extraordinary, You change tradition just for the sake of destroying the traditional !" 

Something had to replace competition as the dominant, if not the only motivation for individual growth. In that year the Director's Cup had to become the icon for a different focus, a different value and set of values for which to be recognised and acknowledged.

The 17year old Mpho had about 20% cerebral palsy. At his age he was about to transition from the residential programme. A place had been secured for him in a residential setting for young persons with his kind of challenges. Slurred in speech, awkward in movement....otherwise labelled as "disabled". 

It was a never to be forgotten moment in my child and youth care experience. 

It was a "house meeting" called and held because two very young boys had run. They ran from......to... the buildings and grounds  of a neighbouring school closed for the weekend. My approach was to "watch and see". Sure enough they drifted back, but their message had to be explored It was to do with group relationships in the house linked with their having been severely emotionally abused before entering the programme. These two little ones were telling their story. The before and now story. The group discussion was suddenly interrupted by Mpho. It was a deep repeated series of loud wails. A tearless cry. A primal set of howls from deep within his gut.

I had a flash back to the howl of my beloved spaniel at the very moment of getting the injection which was to end her life.

He left the table, lay on the couch and wailed until he had gathered himself. On his return he said "Why? Why? Why are these things? Why do we hurt each other? Why do we have to hurt inside ? What are we going to do?"

Oh my word! I weep while writing.

Mpho was the voice of awareness, generosity, the value driven voice of the culture that had to be the revised St Goodenough. He was the bridge. The next time he cried, but silently, was when he was presented with the Director's Cup at the leaver's function. It was the move from human competition to human compassion. Somewhere within, Mpho knew. 

We were left with Mpho's question. "What must we do?". From competition to compassion. From compassion to active caring.

Another time, another space.

It was evening and bedding down time, heading toward final "lights out".  Laundry had to be prepared and individually laundry bagged. The laundry insisted that shirts had to unbuttoned. I called "Leslie, come and unbutton your shirts". 
Voice from the dormitory... "You do it. You're paid to care for me!". There it was. layed bare. Caring is a matter of reward. Given the power you can demand others to serve you. It came in a kind of flash. The Mpho question. "What must we do?" Another shift... From cared for ...to caring for.".

That little incident has always stayed with me because it got me going on another child and youth care value driven journey. This I would hesitantly call "radical".  Can we design/create a child and youth care model that moves us from the idea of "cared for"  to "caring for"?

Further inspiration came from two other sources - even now. On googling "radical care"  got an article about radical care for the elderly. ( radical geriatric care). An elder person made a piece of land available upon which elderly people could build for themselves little cottages. They did this on the understanding that they would care care for e dedicated to each other. Hmmmmm sounds like the South Africa culture of U'Buntu. Mpho would have fitted well into this community of active caring for...

If the elderly can create an active, primarily "caring for" rather than a "cared for" environment, and make it a reality, then so can we in Child and Youth Care.

Radical geriatric care - now for radical Child and Youth Care.

This idea of "How can we help you?". is not really new. The Peer Support Approach is a "How can we help each other to do this?" approach. I'm not talking about Peer Management, but the idea that with child and youth care worker support, young people can be brought together to answer just that question. See, Mpho gave brain birth to the 'How can we help each other" idea in me. He however didn't have the  empowerment to move from compassion to active caring on his own. 

That's where we as child and youth care workers come in. After all, we all know that generosity has to do with experiencing and actively giving care.

It went viral last week. A 10year old boy saw a homeless waste picker pushing his heavy trolley up a hill. He asked his mom to stop the car so that he could help push together with the waste collector. Comment complemented the boy's parents for the boy's values in action.

Rdical as it may sound, I am convinced that we can shift the Leslie "cared for"to the Mpho compassion, and the Mpho compassion to the 10year old caring for in action.

It is what we do.