TOUCH...CHILD AND YOUTH CARE IN SOUTH AFRICA.

As a result of the Covid19 pandemic. Kentucky Fried Chicken recently suspended its advertising slogan, " Finger licking good" ... the touch element

In a workshop to write an Operational Manual (SOP), we discussed Child and Youth Care procedures for disengagement...some kind of farewell. I introduced the group hug. It's really a most unobtrusive, least invasive touch. A circle is formed. The participants support each other with arms across the back at the waist. "Put your left foot into the the circle. Now, at  the count of three, put your right foot into the centre of the circle...One... two.. three!"
 The circle has to tighten up at the waist to support the other from falling backward. It's fun and safe. The group hug. The circle disperses laughing

 Follow up discussions said. "No. We can't use it. It won't work. It can't work. I, as a child and youth care worker won't be part of that circle. Not with our young people . Touching each other is not OK. I don't  like anyone touching me anywhere". 
I said "Then don't join the circle" I really thought that it was safe. The hug touch was sideways on. The exercise is fun and it's only an arm around the waist, "No...Not here!"

 Brings about t he whole issue of "touch" in child and youth care work.

 There are programmes where any form of touch, child and youth care worker to child/young person is forbidden. Then there are programmes which say the young people and children need touch, ... that it is shown to be, not only a need, but done professionally, safely, touch can build connection, relationship and healing. 

 There are two, or more sides to the touch arguments in child and youth care work. The first place to start, I think is with the children/young people.

 In South Africa, we had an  extensive programme called "Say, NO".  The foundational rules for children and young people were "If it doesn't feel OK. If you don't feel comfortable, say a firm loud "NO". " NO" is a word of rejection. Then move away. Silence or responding is considered to  be consent." Children and young people were taught and rehearsed to tell the difference between "Good" touch  and "Bad" touch. They decide.  They respond "No","No" and move away.

 In general, this is good. Child and youth care workers and children, learn the touch boundaries in individual children and youth. Yet at both ends of the scale, it is more complicated.

 My practice showed sexually abused children to have very different experiences and the giving of touch. Some experienced touch to be The Way in which relationships were built, recognised and maintained. I had children and young people rubbing themselves against me as a way of making a connection. Now it was ME, as the child and youth care worker who had t decide on "Good "or "Bad" touch.  There was a syndrome, I called it the "sticky toffee paper" syndrome. As a child and youth care worker, I had to literally peel the child or young person off from being physically attached. We had to have a life-space set of procedures for teaching/ helping these young people to perceive body space, to know the body space of themselves and of others.

 There were those who physically shied away if the child and youth care worker as much as put out a hand to them. With 
some of these children, a touch on the shoulder was a moment of growth.

Remember: there was the child and youth care worker, who said "I don't like anyone to touch me anywhere".  Touch is an individual thing.

I have known organisations to set out policies on the touch issues. Things like.. "No lap sitting, no full-on hugs, Side- way hugs only. Comfort a child or young person with hand holding only, no stroking, no touching of hair or any soft part of the body. Touch only hard body outcrops only...like elbows, the shoulder tops. Some have a "No Touching at all" rule. Or, only when the child initiates a touch.

 So, now where to?  I can't pretend to have the answers. I do have thoughts.  I can't envisage child and youth care work without touch. In the same way as some programmes ban touch, some have similar opinions about the word 'love'. I'm going to loosely, connect touch and love. We all know that there are many different kinds of love just as there are many different kinds of touch. A full exploration of love types and their implications for child and youth care practice is another blog sometime. The love/touch connections in this blog, focus on three.
 FILIO: the love I have for my son or daughter, and so the touch that is appropriate between them and me.
EROS: this is sexual love, The love I have for my partner, love or desired person and so the touch that conveys just that in our connection.
AGAPE: the love of humanity.

If in child and youth care practice with particular individual children and young people, we muddle up, give mixed or even explicit messages through touch, we confuse and damage children.
 If I FILIO.. the young person experiences my me as touching asif the young person or child is my own child.... 
If I EROS...the young person experiences my touch as sexual.
AGAPE is where we belong... The love of humanity. Frequently I say of Agape.. " together we walk this valley of tears" Agape touch conveys a message of compassion.  
 .. not familial nor erotic. Children and young people know immediately the relationship and its associated touch. If they don't then as child and youth care workers, it is our professional responsibility to help them to do so. Even in a moment, a touch of Agape, 'compassion' can shift to an expression of Eros.... . This then, is what makes us professionals. We have enough in the moment knowledge and self awareness to shift or back-off.

 What has been said?
Touch and touching has been shown to be helpful in healing comforting and in relationship. It has though, to be carefully considered and professionally practiced on an individual basis of need and psycho-social condition. It is a highly skilled professional child and youth care worker, measured, intentional tool. 

 There's this saying, "the medium is the message". In the case of touch, this could not be more true.